Wheelhouse Counseling

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Creating Meaningful Date Nights

Wheelhouse Counseling

A person’s marriage is undeniably the most important facet of their life.  There is no greater monetary investment.  There is no greater time investment.  The quality of one’s romantic life impacts the success of every other element of existence.  And yet, many people neglect the required maintenance to sustain a healthy, happy relationship.  Regularly scheduling date nights is a classic recommendation by relationship experts, but this well-intentioned suggestion is often given without adequate guidance on how to date.  This handout tackles that issue.

“Date night” is a code phrase that really means “quality time for romantic partners.”  There is a very simple recipe for quality time, and it has nothing to do with where, when, for how long, or for how much money.  These essential ingredients are:

  • Focused attention;

  • Active interaction; and

  • Positivity (e.g., compliments, encouragement, affirmations, etc.).

Now, every date night should not be the same thing. Best practices for your overall date night experiences include:

  • Variability.  Something more than same old same old.

  • Spontaneity (planned or unplanned).

  • Reciprocity.  No one person in charge of this part of relationship.

  • Engagement of one or both partner’s personal interests

To help think of different kinds of date night activities, think about the different facets/roles of marital relationships:

  • Best friend:  What do you do for fun when with buddies?  A sport like golf or tennis, or a hobby like gaming or cycling?  Some excellent dates are low-key and good old-fashioned fun.

  • Lover:   What does seduction look like in your relationship? Don’t forget to woo your partner!

  • Fellow-intellectual:  Check out museum lecture series or even a TED talk.  Any kind of learning (from wine tasting to wood working) and/or challenge (from Escape the Room to building Habitat for Humanity) will help facilitate connection.

  • Cheerleader:  Classic dating advice for men to take a love interest somewhere to show off (e.g., batting cage, pool hall).  What does your partner do well?  Give them a chance to show off for you, and then shower them with recognition.

  • Business partner:  Enroll in a Dave Ramsey financial education workshop, and work together to follow a clear financial plan.

Be sure to include varying tones of date night options, like: 

  • Exploration: Learning opportunities, new restaurants, and novel activities.

  • Excitement: Something to produce a little adrenaline, like go-karting or even sky diving.

  • Relaxation: Spa treatments, couples massages, and reading poetry to each other in a park.

Many couples struggle to develop date night ideas because they operate on a limited budget. Here are some creative ideas to make date nights less expensive:

  • Do something special at home. Make handmade pasta together and play cheesy Italian music in the background for an authentic feeling escape to Little Italy. Another option is to shut off all the lights and eat by candlelight.

  • Explore outdoor venues and activities. Picnics in the park are a classic date idea. Even active exercise, like hiking, can make for excellent quality time.

  • Do a creative activity, like a romantic scavenger hunt or painting at Pinot’s Pallette.

  • Spend some time DIYing a homemade gift.

  • Use Groupon and other discount websites.

Here are some online resources for where to find activity ideas:

 

Wheelhouse Counseling’s favorite local date night venues:

Dedicate some time every day to feel like a date.  Remember the core ingredients; attention, interaction, and positivity.